Calypso was doing good, she had some small problems but was doing great. Then it happened, the unthinkable and most dreaded word that any preemie parent will ever hear NEC (Necrotizing Enterocolitis) it's a severe intestinal infection in preemies. It causes all kinds of problems, including renal failure. I was still so freaking hopeful! Everyone kept promising me she'd come home. Here's 2 of my journal entries leading up to her death WEDNESDAY, JULY 04, 2007 02:12 AM, CDT A letter to God I wrote today Dear God, I know everything you do is for a purpose. And I KNOW it in my head but I can't for the life of me understand in my heart WHY my baby girl has to go through this stuff. She's so small but has already had stuff done to her that most adults haven't had done to them. I realize that I may not be able to see her grow to adult hood but I beg you with EVERYTHING in me to let her come home. Even if it's just for a while. I want her to come home and be with her sisters and with me. I want to hold her and rock her and actually be able to kiss her head. I want to sing to her and know she hears me. I want to see her eyes. I haven't even been able to do that. I want to be able to put her in clothes that WE bought her. And take her on a car ride and a walk through the park. I want her to go to MOPS with me and the girls and smile at me. I want her to sleep in her own crib and use the diapers we have for her. Please Lord I don't care if she's on oxygen or a vent or has been trached. I don't care if she's on a feeding tube or what. I just want her home. I want to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her. Please God you've done things so much more complicated then this surely it's not an unreasonable request? In Jesus Name Amen **** And the day before she died **** FRIDAY, JULY 06, 2007 06:11 PM, CDT Whoever says compassion and is dead and humanity is selfish needs to step back and re-evaluate their lives. The amount of support we've have for our baby girl is so staggering it brings tears to my eyes. The fact that these people online who've never met me or my daughter are supporting her and praying for her without ceasing. My family members and friends who've never met her. It makes my heart swell with gratitude and love to know so many people are so involved with my angels life story. We sat down and met with a team of Dr.'s today. They told us her kidneys still aren't working BUT that her NEC is almost GONE!!!! They injected die into her stomach and watched it move through her body!!! Now we are simply waiting to see if her Kidney's kick in. Dr Engles said that he's seen babies in Kidney Failure up to 4 weeks and then BOOM one day they start peeing and don't stop again. He also said the fact that she had a few days of pee and then nothing also could mean that they are Starting to function because sometimes they do that start and stop. Baby girl is still in Critical Condition of course but there is hope. He said if she starts acting like things are getting to hard on her they can try a medicine or try dialysis. This could be risky since her stomach and intestines ARE still healing BUT if she starts going down hill we'll do anything possible to help her. Right now they are monitoring her fluid, electrolytes, and all that stuff. As well as her blood pressure and blood gasses. All those at the moment are stable. Over all we're playing the waiting game. Wait and see if she can do this or wait till God takes her home to be with him. So Kind of the same news we already had with the one exception about the NEC being gone. I know the news will spread quickly and wanted to remind you all of this. Humanity and Compassion are NEVER NEVER gone. Sometimes there is just so much junk to wade through that the compassion and caring gets over looked. Please take a moment out of your day to smile at someone and give them a bit of hope in the world. And Thank you All for giving us and our earthly angel this hope that the world hasn't gone to hell in a hand basket